The Case Against Cucumbers

I dedicate this poem to the 6th grade students at Mills Park Middle School, Cary, NC.

CucumbersFor today’s prompt, write a vegetable poem. I once wrote a poem titled “Tomatoes,” and that would count. If you want to write a poem about a specific vegetable, go for it. If you want to write a poem that just has a vegetable mixed in somewhere, go for it. If you want to praise or curse vegetables, go for it. If you want to play with the idea of vegetables, including a vegetable mental state, couch “potato,” and so on–well, you know, go for it.

The Case Against Cucumbers

Cucumbers, the weakest vegetable,
it is only when soaked in vinegar
for weeks that they become palatable.
Their texture: a tepid green water.
Their taste: a faint layer of pastel.

When diced fine they contaminate salad.
When cut into clumsy disks
they are traded for tomatoes,
as long as my date promises
to brush her teeth
before we kiss.

If there’s ever been an organism
in need of genetic modification
it’s the cucumber. Please cross
with something to instill flavor,
a pepper, a radish or maybe a bacon.

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About Bartholomew Barker

Bartholomew Barker was born and raised in Ohio, studied in Chicago, worked in Connecticut for nearly twenty years before moving to Hillsborough, North Carolina where he makes money as a computer programmer to fund his poetry habit.
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